Yes

End of the year = time to reflect on past year. Oh lord, has this been one hell of a roller coaster ride of the year. For those of you with a short memory, or just don't know, I was laid off from my job at the end of last year. It was not a shock, really, I had been waiting to get laid off since March of 2008, but was able to hold on until December. So here comes January and I am jobless. I thought I might be able to enjoy myself a bit but boy, was I wrong. I know that I am not meant to be a housewife. I am bored and when I get bored I get bitchy. Well, then came February and my Mom had to have back surgery so that was sort of a nice reprieve to feel needed somewhere. For the next few months, I made several trips back and forth to Arkansas to keep Mom company. I know it was a tough time for my Mom, but really it was so great for me to be able to spend my energy somewhere. March rolls around and yes, I had been going on some interviews, but no call backs yet. I had an interview on March 17th at a bank. I walk into the interview room in my gray suit and am greeted by three women wearing the same green blazer. Talk about fashion hell. Even if I was interested in the job (I got offered a job, but wasn't interested), I do not know if I could succumb to such group dressing activities. April gets here and I decide to hell with the big company world, I am going to actually try this lawyering thing. Yes, I had been practicing law for the past 4 years, but not to my full potential. I decided to embark on a career in something that came naturally to me - drama (Family Law). Family Law was the easiest class to grasp in law school and I do have to admit that I love drama that doesn't involve me. So here comes May and the opening of my own practice. I was so fortunate to find another female solo practitioner who offered me a sublease opportunity and an of counsel agreement (I can work on her cases). Six months later and I have completed 8 divorces and currently have 12 clients on my books. No, I am not getting rich (yet!), but I am happy. I have to use my brain everyday and I like that I am solely responsible for my success and failures.

We went to see the Jim Carrey movie last night, Yes Man. While it wasn't the best movie ever, I did enjoy the premise. Stop saying no to opportunities and say yes. I said Yes to one of the more crazy ideas I have come up with and I am so thankful that others encouraged me to take this leap. For the year of 2009, do yourself a favor and say Yes!

Benin Republic?

Anyone know where the Benin Republic is??? Obviously my Christmas present is still waiting for me. There will be a reward to the person who helps me find it.

ATTENTION!!!

I have been waiting for you to come down here and pick your $4.5 Million Dolla
rs USD but I did not heard from you. Then I went and deposited the $4.5 Millio
n Dollars USD, as a consignment boxes to FEDEX COURIER COMAPNY BENIN BRANCH.in
Benin Republic, because I travelled to SAUDI ARABIA and i will not come back
till next month end.I want you to contact the FEDEX COURIER COMAPNY BENIN BRAN
CH.

Family and Xmas Update

See the cookie on the bottom left? This is how I feel about holiday baking!! Actually, my friend, who was so patiently assisting me, made this one. I decided I wanted to make sugar cookies and frost them up all cute and pretty. Little did I know how time consuming and tedious this is! I was all focused on baking them for the appropriate amount of time (6 minutes and 30 seconds)that I let them sit out on the cooling racks until they cooled into bricks! I was so upset and pissed that my friend had to do something to ease the tension and make me laugh! I frosted the cookies and they turned out ok, but don't be surprised if I sell my new collection of cookie cutters at my annual garage sale.





Just to make you jealous... here is a pic of my baking on Sunday. I learned how to make cinnamon rolls. I always heard of older ladies baking them and I do not know how they do it. Kneading and rolling out dough is really a work out. Supposedly it is a stress reliever but I don't agree b/c all I could focus on is how bad my back and wrist hurts. I think a vodka and cranberry and chaise lounge on the deck is a much better solution for stress relief.




Please meet the latest addition (replacement) to our family. Jorge Stevens, III was laid to rest on Saturday, but not buried until Monday. OOPS! People, he was still in the bowl, he never floated to the top, so I couldn't actually tell if he was for sure a goner. I hope Jorge Stevens IV (Quattro, as he likes to be called) decides to really bite the dust when he decides to go. Quattro looks like his mother, but has the temperament and appetite of his father.



Ahh, tis the season for love and getting along.....too bad they can't be this sweet to each other everyday! They were on their way to see Santa, so of course they were on their best behavior!

It's a Sunshine Day

finally!! KC has been gray all week, either with rain, fog or snow. I do like the snow, just not the mess after the snow. However, I need the sun. It is hard to drag yourself out of bed without any hint of light.

So, my we are still working (I am bossing, he is WORKING) on the bathrooms and we are having to use the guest bath shower. Last night I fell asleep as my worker was taking a shower, and I had turned off all of the lights in the room (obviously, I was going to sleep). Well, I was suddenly woke up due to a bump noise and then OW! I sleepily roll over, ask my worker if he hit the wall, he said no, the bed, and I so sweetly say "Oh, ow." and roll back over to sleep. Oh, how great my worker must have felt to have married someone with such great compassion! I felt bad this morning as I was laughing about it, but I guess that wasn't the right reaction either. What can I say, I am a work in progress.

One more thing: My niece was very confused about her brother getting his tonsils out. She was told that he is getting surgery in his mouth, since she has no idea where tonsils are. When he was home from surgery she asked him if the Doctor removed all of his teeth! Funny.

Help!

I think Jorge may have broken his back or butt. Do fish have butts? This fish has scared me several times making me think he is dying, but this time I think its for real. He hasn't eaten in weeks. This is all he does all day. He used to lay perpendicular to the rocks, but now he is just vertical like this all day.



I am having this dilemma b/c I am afraid he is suffering and I need to euthanize him (flush him), but then again, I don't want to murder him. Having a fish can be much more stressful than one thought.

Kids being American

Video quality is horrible, but you can get the idea. And warning, I say "yeah" halfway through this and it is loud.

Feels so good

to be organized. I can breathe much easier now. I know, I am crazy. Sorry, forgot to take before shots, but here are some after shots:

OMG it is cold

so glad I don't live in Fargo, because I can't handle this! We went to the Chiefs/Chargers game and the temperature dropped at least 20 degrees before the game started and another 10 by the time the game was over. We were sitting there while it was 23 degrees AND I don't even like either team. The things you do for love! HA!

The party was fun. I didn't dress up b/c my roommate didn't think anyone else was dressing up. Well, first thing I see when I walk in was Cousin Eddy! There were a few Cousin Eddy's - one was in robe and furry hat and the other had on swimming attire. To even set the mood, National Lampoon's X-mas was playing in the background! Love it!

I am busy getting myself organized this week. I still have only got out my winter clothes half-assed, and I am going crazy looking at my closet. My roommate and I are also finishing up a year long bathroom remodel and hopefully that will be completed by the end of this week. I am the foreman,not the worker, so I can't really say if my worker is going to show up for work this week since he is highly underpaid! Will update with pics when completed.

Also had to send you a pic of a very cute Santa's little helper. He is getting his tonsils out today so Auntie had to send him out a little love!

Christmas Party

I know, groan...however, I am excited about this one. It appears it is going to be laid back and even has a theme - Griswolds. So, the invite said to dress up in Griswold attire. I love the idea of not having to worry about how "good" my outfit looks, but I am not sure what to do here. I admit, haven't seen a Griswold movie in a while, but all I can think of is Aunt Bernice wearing the Chrismas tree skirt. Now, that is really funny, but then another fear pops up - what if I am the only one that dresses up? AND is my waist small enought to even wear the skirt? If you guys read this before Saturday night and have any genius ideas, pass them on. If not, guess I will play it safe with the old trusty jeans. Hope to have some good pics to share!

Wee-Mee

Here is my winter Wee-Mee. Yes, I know, too much time on my hands, but I just love her. I hope I don't look that square in person, but I do think she is a pretty cute resemblance!



What the hell is a Wee-Mee? Well, it is a little character that you create for your instant message ID. It is not required, but just a way to add a little fun to your day. My IM friend also created a holiday Wee-Mee for herself. I am so excited for my X-mas present this year because apparently she went shopping in London and is in shock over how much she spent:

My gift

from Willie! I opened the back door and he has this sitting next to him.


Why must they show their kill? I know, he wants some recognition, but seriously. I know it is probably a mouse, but I choose to think it is a rat - it has a long tail. I keep thinking, thank God that he found this outside and not inside, because he likes to bring stuff up to bed that he finds around the house. For instance, he once got into a loaf of bread (I know, he is weird) and brought it up to my bedroom, bag of treats, plastic baggie that contained bounce sheets, the list goes on. Now, if he were to kill something in the house, I guarantee if I was in bed, he would gladly drag it up there to show me. I would have a heart attack. I know it is already dead and it couldn't hurt me anyway, but OH MY GOD, how gross!

Have a cold

and it is no fun when you no longer have your mother to take care of you. I was passed down my cold from my roommate (I really don't know how this happened b/c when you are married you no longer kiss or even do anything to remotely resemble making out!). My roommate had the ability to lay around for a few days but women are not given that luxury. Life must go on. I better not say much else because I don't want to run off my male fan base. HA!

Seriously, remember the good 'ol days when you were sick and it was such a luxury to take your pillow and blanket out on the couch and watch horrible kid tv A.K.A. Nickelodeon. I loved eating chicken and noodle soup and just enjoying the remote all to myself. Oh yeah, and I had a personal servant. Thanks, Mom!

Stay tuned for tomorrow's post - have a gift to show you that I received this weekend.

I give up

...I can't ever make chicken n dumplings as good as Cracker Barrel's. I am sure I will keep trying though. Have you guys ever had them - they are so delicious! And add a side of fried okra and you are just in heaven. I really sound like a southern girl now!

Interesting situation yesterday - I had a consult with a client and she was telling me how she was going to have to find a storage shed for all of her collections. So I ask, what is it you collect - her response: Japanese comic books. I, trying to not act like I am shocked asked, "Oh, do you know how to speak Japanese?" Her response: "No, I just like to look at the pictures." Now isn't that crazy??? She admitted that she has thousands of dollars worth of these comics and she doesn't even know what the hell they say!! Then she goes on to tell me that she attends Japanese animation conventions. WHAT?? "And where are these held", I ask. She told me all over the US and she even traveled to Japan for one. I am thinking at this point she should really learn Japanese. Seems to me she spends a whole lot of time around people that she has no clue what they are saying.

I hate being around people that speak a language I don't understand. I know this is so self-centered, but I always think they are talking about me. Do you ever get that feeling? Just gives me the hee-bee jeebies.

Keeping it all in perspective

Today is not a happy, or even remotely funny post. If you are here for humor, wait until my next post. This morning was horrible. I was trying to assist getting a sick cat into a cage to take it to the vet and was hugely unsuccessful, was two hours late to work, have a sore throat, so I was just in a shitty, shitty mood...until I read one of my blogs. You see, for some reason I like and/or need to be reminded that my problems are not that bad, I have my health, a great family, super husband, fat cat and lots of things to look forward to. I read several blogs about people going through cancer, or some life threatening illness. I get to know these people through their struggles, and begin to have great affection and concern for their family and friends, thus taking the focus off of myself. I am not sure if it is healthy, but it works for me. Anyway, one of my authors, Stephanie Vest, lost her fight with cancer last night. It is a greatly touching story as she had three young children and has been sick since her baby girl was born, therefore she was never able to be a mother to her only daughter. This is such a tragedy, however, I can tell by reading the comments what a great support system her husband will have. Here is her story if you want to take a look. http://rainkitephotography.typepad.com/stephanie_vest/2008/12/index.html

Something else that has been keeping me somewhat grounded is the fact that two of my very good friends lost their baby this Spring. I was so ready to watch them be great parents and am still struggling with the fact that they haven't been given the chance again yet. They allowed many friends, and eventually strangers, into their son's story through a blog, hosted by a company called Caring Bridge. Most blogs are free, yes, but this is set up through hospitals so it is very easy for the families and patients to share their story. If you are needing a charity to support this holiday season, I would greatly recommend donating a small token. Here is the site: https://ssl.charityweb.net/caringbridge/?Split=5

I am writing this mostly to remind myself that you can't make all of life's problems go away, however, if you focus more on compassion, love, assistance and healing, that suddenly your problems aren't in the forefront, and you are able to open up and help others. If you are able to do this effectively, it will create this great circle of positive emotion, and before you know it, someone will come along to help guide you through your struggles, or you may realize suddenly your issue has been resolved because of the focus taken off of it.

Promise to write about funnies later, thanks for listening. Dr. Red is signing off for now.

What happened??

My travels went very well, I hope all of you had a great holiday and some even better food!! So, Vegas wasn't the same since the last time I went (I believe it was three years ago). No, I am not talking about the ever changing architecture and rebuild, upgrade, tear down of casinos, I am talking about me!! It is very obvious that I am, ahem, aging. Here are some of the signs:

1. Instead of worrying about what bar we were going to, we were focused on what restaurant. Have to mention, though, we did eat at the "Top of the World" restaurant at the top of the Stratosphere for Thanksgiving. The restaurant rotates and it is a great view. Save up your money for the meal, but it is well worth it!

2. Comfort outweighs fashion. What!!???!! Yes, I said it!! The first night we went to a show and I wanted to look very cute and wore some boots that were not made for walking. By the end of the walk home, I was limping, bitching and damn near crying. I also made my travel partner's walk home miserable too, as you can imagine. The most funny comment (it is funny days later) was, "THIS IS NOT VACATION TO ME, THIS IS MISERY!!"

3. Instead of GOING to a bar, we opted for shows. I have been dying to go to Vegas shows the last three times we have went, but never got my wish. I not only got to go to one show, but two!! Good thing my travel partner is aging too!! Don't laugh people, you will love them too! We went to two Cirque du Soleil shows, Zumanity and Love. Highly recommend both. Zumanity is a bit risque and Love is set to Beatles music. Travel tip: Look for the 1/2 price ticket booths the day of the show, you can get some good deals!

4. Vegas needs to go non-smoking. It is bad people!! My lungs still are hurting. People just walk anywhere they want with their cancer sticks and it is just disgusting. I sometimes had to breathe through my shirt just to catch my breath. No, I am not exaggerating.

5. My ears were ringing (I think they might still be) from the Piano Bar. Awesome bar. We have been there now 3 or 4 times. They bring out an electric guitar and you are right at an AC/DC concert. It is awesome. After you leave with a $200 bar tab and ears ringing though, you come a bit to your senses. However, I still highly recommend it to music lovers.

I also did a lot of great people watching, but don't have any pictures to share. Did want to take a picture of a toilet for you guys, but travel partner thought that would be horrific. Here is the story: Most women glance down at the toilet prior to sitting, or in most cases, hovering over the toilet. Well, I glanced in one toilet and thought there was a cigarette on the seat. Gross. Move to the next stall and the same thing!! Getting really pissy now.... Third stall and the same thing again, but wait, my brain started working, and I looked at it more closely and it was a tube that is used for a sanitizing machine hooked to the wall. OOPS!

We also went to Vegas with some friends of ours that were celebrating their 10 year wedding anniversary. We assisted them with celebrating by embarrassing them at the piano bar. They had to go up to the front and, well, can't really say, but lets just say it was touchy-feely. So, I will now fully understand when I get divorce papers at about 9.9 years.

That is all for today!! Maybe I can post some pics in the next few days.

I lied!!

I could not wait a week to share this, quite frankly, I would have forgot!! This dog just made me laugh. Had to share! Copy the link and paste it into your browser. Need a bit of sound for full effect.

http://vimeo.com/2311707

Off for a few days

This will be my last blog post until next Tuesday - one week off!! From the huge amount of responses I am getting lately (just kidding!) it seems that I may have a bit more time on my hands than my followers. I am still curious what your favorite X-Mas gift was, so if you want to still comment, please feel free to do so.

So here is a bit of a funny Thanksgiving issue. Most people in Kansas don't eat these, but in the south, there is a T-day speciality, canned spiced peaches. They are a small little peach, already peeled, canned in some juice and spices. They are delicious. My siblings and I used to have competitions to see who could stuff the whole thing in their mouth at once. We all pretty much won (we are all 3 big mouths!!), but the sight must have been horrendous. We waited until the end of dinner to put on our show, I am sure my parents at least appreciated that.

Another funny thing happened this week - a full physical exam for someone who shall remain unnamed. We get to the office, and of course he sits down and refuses to participate in checking in, then I sit down and start filling out the questionnaire. All was going well until I read outloud to him wanting an answer: Are your bowel movements regular (giggle), loose, (giggle)? Do you have any sexual difficulties (giggle, giggle), erectile dysfunction (laugh)? how many sexual partners have you had in the past year, lifetime (laughing fully) AND then he takes the form away from me because obviously I am having way too much fun with this form!!!

Well, everyone, enjoy your time away from work, and enjoy your holiday. Give thanks for all that you have and all of the opportunities ahead of you.

What has happened to me???

I have turned into someone that I used to talk about. You know, the person that doesn't even celebrate Thanksgiving because they are too busy prematurely getting ready for Christmas? Well, I am realizing that maybe some of these people found it more convenient to decorate for Christmas prior to Thanksgiving, and if they wait until after T-day it will be two weeks into December, and what is the point of dragging all of that stuff out for 2 - 3 weeks max??? I am personally leaving town for Thanksgiving (don't want to make you jealous, but I will be in VEGAS, baby) and really don't want to deal with vacation laundry and trying to decorate for X-mas. I was in a good mood today not rushing around, just decorating at my leisure. I also had assistance this year with the tree, so it was quite enjoyable.

So, now that I am thinking about Christmas, I have to ask you all something (there are people out there reading, right?). What was your favorite X-mas gift you ever received? There are a few that come to mind, but one of my most favorite gifts was a Fry-Daddy. I know, wierd to want one, but I was a wierd child and still am for that matter. I loved making those biscuit donuts with the 'Daddy. I am sure my Mother did not love the mess, but it sure did make me happy. One other fav gift was a pink and grey ten speed. Unfortunately it was icy and snowy that X-mas, but I was determined to ride it, so I went back and forth on our porch, but really that was only about two pedal pushs and then manuever the turn. FUN!

Tell me what your most favoritest gift was.

Word lesson Allude v. Elude

Not only am I here to entertain, but to teach. I learnt (just kidding!) this on the radio this morning, and just had to share since I was very interested to learn the correct word usage. So, I used to think it was "I was eluding to the fact that .....". Boy was I wrong. Yes, I can admit when I am wrong. So, pupils, get out your learning hats:

Definition of Allude:
mention indirectly: to refer to something or somebody indirectly, without giving a precise name or explicit identification

Allude or elude? Do not confuse the spelling of allude and elude, which sound similar. Allude is usually followed by to, as in alluding to the disappearance of her husband. Elude means "escape from," "avoid," or "be beyond": He eluded his pursuers. Her name eludes me.

Allude or refer? The sentence She alluded to her husband by name is a self-contradiction, because allude means "to mention indirectly." When the reference is direct, the word to use is refer. So if she mentioned "the man at home looking after the children," she was alluding to her husband, whereas if she mentioned "George" or "my husband" directly, she was referring to him: She referred to her husband frequently.

Now go and impress all of your friends!!

Acceptable forms of payment

A few weeks ago, a client received my bill and was shocked that I was expecting payment from her, even though she signed a fee agreement with me listing my hourly rate and billing increments. She stated that she thought I was doing this pro bono (this was NEVER mentioned) and that she was planning to pay me in a spritual way, through prayer. I was thinking that would be fine except for the fact that I don't believe her prayers will pay my rent, car payment, mortgage, etc. I thought she was a loon, and she still is, however, there are more of her out there. Check out this email exchange that was sent to me by my roommate:

Man tries to pay bill with spider
Nov 19, 2008
Below is the complete email conversation that Adelaide man David Thorne claims he had with a utility company chasing payment of an overdue bill.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.




Regards, David.



From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,
You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached




From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane, Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David, Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.




Regards, David.



From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David, As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definately make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached

Updates

Just in case you are curious....Willie is doing fine. His ear did not heal back together, but now he has character! All kids need scars, right? His ear has just a little extra flap, but to me it is not that noticeable, but to my roommate, it is ugly. I tell Willie it looks just fine because I like to work on improving my child's self esteem, since, as you know by the previous redhead post, since I am a redhead mother, my child gets made fun of.

Shopping excursion was very successful. I think I will keep the ugly pants in the closet though, because my roommate went shopping with me and I purchased more than I would have by myself. You know the feeling when you have three shopping bags and you try to stuff it all into one so it looks like you didn't go crazy at the mall...well, didn't have to do it this time!! Oh, I better be careful, I am giving away all my secrets! :)

What Not to Wear

to a basketball game in the late Fall that is!

I know it is mean to make fun of your own team's fans, but I couldn't help myself on this one. Really the picture does not do it justice.

Redheads = Being made fun of

...or according to the Pregnant Man that is. Go to the you tube video and watch at about minute 1:50 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZ-5aQdqXFw&NR=1 Barbara Walters is asking the pregnant man what he is going to do when Susan (their daughter) gets made fun of and he said that is no reason to not have kids, for instance people make fun of lesbian couples, redheads, etc. WHAT?? Lumping hair color into a discussion on sexuality??? I admit, I was greatly made fun of in junior high, but in no way do I think the pregnant man knows what he/she is talking about. Pretty funny comment,when you think about it.

Permission to Shop!!

Yup, that is right, I was given permission to shop. No, I don't really need permission, to shop, but now that I have it I feel oh so much better about purchasing things I really don't need (or do I?). Turns out my roommate (let's discuss the name in another paragraph) hates quite a few of my pants. He said I should get rid of them, but really, I might need to keep them when I feel the urge to shop again. Just get out the ugly pants and wear them for a few days then he will feel compelled to let me go out shopping again! Seriously, quit having a cow, I do not need permission, but it just feels soooooo good to have it!! Now, funny thing is, I probably won't find ANYTHING I want or looks good. I will update you on the progress.

As mentioned earlier, I said I would discuss "his" name. I promised to never use names so I am forced to make them up. I would love to use his real nickname, but he would hate me for that.... I have had one comment that a reader hates me referring to him as the other half. I am now suggesting roommate. If you hate that, then fine, give me a new name for him or quit reading.

When the going gets tough...

DON'T GIVE UP. Ok, so what happened?? Well, most of you know that I am very new to speaking in court, and this has actually been a great fear of mine. I know, shocking that I am scared to speak, but I am really more afraid of messing up than the actual speaking. Anyway, I am no longer a virgin as of today. No, it wasn't my first court appearance, just my first time to actually speak. Well, the actual speaking came quite natural, but the Judge's remarks were horrific. Why? Well, the Judge went completely apeshit on me for filing something that HE believes I shouldn't have (it was an affidavit saying that my client was poverty level and therefore couldn't afford filing fees). This man was ridiculous with his horrible mean comments and I was doing all I could do to hold back tears. I did it though. I was soooo upset in my car on the way back to the office and just couldn't wait to tell my officemates the story. My mentor reminded me: Judges are not always right. So, we researched the law and his interpretation and we still do not agree with him, but it doesn't mean he didn't have the right to make the ruling he did. I was reminded to not be so darn hard on myself, and let it roll off. We are all human here and even if I do make a mistake, which I am sure I will, just learn from it and DO NOT GIVE UP. I am determined to not let fear stop me from pursuing my personal goals and I hope all of you will do the same.

Mickey and Minnie

I was visiting Mickey and Minnie this weekend and came away with some very funny musings:

1. the word "hers". Example: Hers is my best friend. It is also funny to point out the Minnie was referring to the dog as being her best friend.



2. children being obessesed with the word butt or "booty". I believe they may now be required to say hiney, but it all really still means butt. I never thought I would hear someone sing or say "shake your booty" regardless of the time or place of day.

3. Still having to have assistance with the back end after using the restroom. You know, where they yell, "I'm done" and are leaning over waiting for your assistance. Well, unfortunately, the puppy thought Mickey was yelling for her and was assisting him with his back end cleaning before I got there. This is why you don't kiss dogs people.


4. While we are on the subject of dogs, Mickey also ate part of a dog bone. No, he wasn't confused, he just said he was hungry and this was the easiest thing for his P-Duck to give him. So, of course, he began to eat it. This is why you don't let children kiss you either. Just kidding!

5. Thinking the song "Who let the dogs out" is a popular song. I have no clue where they heard this tune, but it is quite catchy for 3 year olds and they love the fact they get to yell "who" 3 times.

6. Playing "Hair". This is where they fluff your hair with their fat fingers and pull it all at the same time, put in several non matching hair accessories and tell you how pretty you look. How much better can it get?

Fair

Should we even use this word anymore? I am going to do my best to take it out of my vocabulary because it should never be used - nothing is "fair" or maybe it is just that I am misapplying the word to daily life.

Here is Webster's definition:

1: pleasing to the eye or mind especially because of fresh, charming, or flawless quality2: superficially pleasing : specious 3 a: clean , pure b: clear , legible4: not stormy or foul : fine 5: ample 6 a: marked by impartiality and honesty : free from self-interest, prejudice, or favoritism b (1): conforming with the established rules : allowed (2): consonant with merit or importance : due c: open to legitimate pursuit, attack, or ridicule 7 a: promising , likely b: favorable to a ship's course 8archaic : free of obstacles9: not dark 10 a: sufficient but not ample : adequate b: moderately numerous, large, or significant 11: being such to the utmost : utter
Many things have happened this week that just don't seem to be fair (or what I thought the definition of fair is). For example, KSU getting embarrased by KU, my Dad's best friend passing away, the stock market continuing to suck, Ron Prince getting fired, my clients not wanting to pay me, it raining the day after you wash your car, the list goes on and on. You know, all of it doesn't seem fair, but what the hell am I really saying? Fair is not the correct word, when applying it to my examples listed. Fair does not mean equal or right or just. I am thinking that if I get the notion of fair out of my mind, all things will become easier to handle, understand or just accept. It is what it is.

Voting Hangover

So I voted, and yes, it was for the first time ever. I am sooooo not into politics, but found that it was important to exercise my right to vote, so I did, and boy it was not as much fun as I thought it would be. There was absolutely no line to stand in, plenty of places to park and no sort of riot outside of the church where I voted. Extremely boring. AND the person I supported (say whatever you want, I don't take any of it personal) lost, therefore I feel like I lost some sort of contest. Does anyone else feel this way?

Something amusing did happen at the polls yesterday - My other half was also voting for the first time. We had registered and were set up to vote at the same place. I go to sign my name first (I also couldn't believe they didn't ask for my photo ID, but I digress) and other half said he saw his name - but I said "No, that is Diane". Well, sure enough, damn Diane signed on his line. The voter people made him sit off to the side so they could figure out what the hell to do. Did anyone see the Kevin Costner movie Swing Vote? I did and it was an absolutely horrible movie, but I was sort of getting excited that maybe I have married a soon to be celebrity. My other half was getting ticked off that Diane possibly ruined his chance of voting. The proctor guy decided that he needed to sign right by Diane's incorrect signature and that he could go ahead and vote. Who knows if it was counted, but it is certainly a moot point this morning.

One Last Halloween Post

As I was cruising down the Halloween clearance aisle at Wal-Mart, I could not resist getting a steal on Willie's costume for next year. It was actually a dog costume, but he is the size of a smallish dog, so I thought what the heck. I bought the extra small as it was supposed to fit a wiener dog. The costume is a glow in the dark skeleton costume - perfect!

Well, not so much. Why you might ask, other than the fact that cats generally don't like dressing up? First, it didn't fit! The velcro on the underside would not even begin to go together. Second, the back legs had a piece of elastic that went around the leg, and for some reason, Willie did not think he could stand up with them on. I would stand him upright and right on his back he would go. Third, and most importantly, he HATED it. Wish I would have got a video, but here are some pics:

Got the front feet in and now getting the back legs in

Back legs are now in and he cannot stand! He is as graceful as his mother.

Could he look any more pissed?

Only one piece of candy

Halloween at my house is quite busy. I live in a cul-de-sac within a neighborhood that has an elementary school, so you can imagine how many kids parade through the neighborhood begging for candy. The first two years in the neighborhood we ran out of candy so this year I planned big - I went to Sam's to purchase my candy. Purchased over 400 pieces in fact, and yes, I bought the good stuff - the mini candy bars!! When I was young, I would "inventory" my candy - literally count the number of candy bars and how many I had of each. I would then hide it from my brother and sister in extremely good hiding places. Sounds like a good plan, but I did not keep track of where I "hid" my candy - therefore when we had to dust the china cabinet or clean out our closets, I would find old disgusting candy.

I have grown out of the phase of candy inventory, but some people I live with still feel some connection to the candy at our house. As children's paws would be digging for their piece of candy, one would say "Only one piece!!" I also had to hold back a certain amount of "inventory" so we had candy left over at our house after Halloween. Don't worry, I haven't hid it, I know where it is, unfortunately!

Here are some pics of neighborhood animals/kids -

Willie and his pumpkin!

What are you going to be for Christmas?

I know, what an odd question, especially since Halloween is tomorrow!! It is not so odd if I tell you it came from a 3 1/2 year old who obviously was mixed up with his holidays. He was asking what his Uncle was going to be for Christmas (he obviously meant Halloween). My answer was Spiderman. Hilarious mental image for myself, but also got me thinking, what a great idea. Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, but who are we kidding, it has become so commercialized it is really about the gifts. What if we just do something for fun as adults - dress up and give the kids a good, fun and FREE laugh!! My niece suggested for her Grammie to be Dora (would work out great with the black hair and height challenge)!

Doesn't this sound like a hoot??

Technology - A Help or Hindrance??

I do love technology, yes I do. However, I currently have a love/hate relationship with it. I just got off the phone with Verizon (I generally love Verizon), however, ever since I got my Blackberry all has went to hell in a haybasket (is that how that saying goes???). What is wrong? Well, once when syncing up my contacts, I accidentally pushed delete and guess what? ALL of my freaking contacts were erased. AND since I have the wonderful Microsoft Vista, the backup of my phone doesn't work automatically, I have to manually do it, and I only learned this AFTER I had all of my contacts deleted. FUN!!

Then, this morning, my wonderful bluetooth feature on my phone is not working, which is a big deal since my email, calendar and contacts are all synced up through bluetooth. So, I call the lovely English speaking (no joke here, I could actually understand her) assistant and ask for advice how to fix my bluetooth that is no longer syncing up. Well get this folks, even though the bluetooth feature that allows you to sync up your contacts on your computer is on the Blackberry, Verizon doesn't support it - they only support issues with your freakin' Bluetooth headset. I told English-speaking assistant that I can't stand the way those headsets look and I refuse to use one so I guess there was nothing she could help me with. I know, sort of brutal.

No worries people, I got it fixed myself! The doctor uninstalled and reinstalled and shut down and turned back on and magic! It is working again. Lesson to be learned: Spend a few hours trying to fix it yourself before you allow your cell phone provider to piss you off by not being able to solve your problem or even attempt to. :)

Are You Afraid of Anything?

I have to admit, I have very irrational fears. I know, most fears are irrational, but mine are just down right silly. I am not afraid of big animals, but small, non-fierce animals such as frogs and birds. My most sincere fear right now is birds. Lately I feel they have been flying really close to me and are just about to attack me. What do I think they are going to do to me? Well, several things are possible, beak out my eyes, put their feet onto my cartoid artery, you know, every day bird attack scenarios.

Here are a few examples of my latest run-in with birds:

I was mowing around a tree of ours in the front yard (really it is just a stick with a few leaves since it is only about a 3 year old tree) and this bird kept diving in and out of the tree, flying very close to my head. I had to stop mowing it was scaring me so bad. So, I ask for reinforcements from my other 1/2 (I rang the door bell and asked if he could scare the bird away) and guess what? The bird was never to be seen again that day - guess the idea of reinforcements worked.

I was on vacation in Colorado a few weeks ago and we were at the top of Estes Park. We get out of the car and there is this black crowe thing (very large beak I might add) and it is swooping down very close to us and to another car. Then it was doing the most outrageous thing - tapping its feet down on the roof of the car!! See, if they will do it to a car they might to it to your head or something. Well, it turns out the people left some food for it on the roof of their car, however, I choose to believe it was attacking the car.

So, what are your fears? Please tell me someone else has a silly fear!

What Do I Do With This?

Wikipedia definition: A blog (a contraction of the term "Web log") is a Web site, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order. "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.

I announced my new creative outlet with SIL, and received a very funny response: "I like it, but I don't know what to do with it." Well, folks, if you are expecting anything more exciting than the words on this page, I am afraid I am going to disappoint you. Funny too, several other readers have admitted they had never perused a blog before. My, what cheap entertainment you are missing out on!! OR maybe it is the fact that other people have "real" jobs with someone tracking internet usage. How easy it is for me to forget that some people still have bosses. Have I mentioned to any of you how much I love mine?

Modeling Career is Over

I am not sure if most of you were aware of this, but me and my other half own a very priceless domestic short hair, who in his former life was a model. Very successful I might add, his work can be seen on several Hallmark cards. His name is Willie and he rules the roost. Our model loves to go outside and explore. Well, his exploring last night was abruptly halted when another cat came into his territory and he felt the need to protect his domain. I am not sure who won, but here is what Willie came out of it with:

So some of you cat haters may think this doesn't look too bad, but trust me, there was a lot of blood that would not stop and the thought of me having a mangled ear cat really worried me. So, off to the emergency vet clinic we go. Miraculosly when I got to the clinic, the flap had reattached and the blood had clotted, so it really didn't look too bad. Here were my three options at the clinic:

1. Leave the ear as is, give him some antibiotics and put a collar on him

2. Have them pull back apart the flap, clean it out and glue it and then antibiotics and collar

3. Put him to sleep, give him stitches and the antibiotics and collar

I chose option one as it was already looking pretty good and since he had on the collar he couldn't mess with it. Boy, was I wrong! He went crazy with this collar on. He was walking backwards, bucking like a bronco, running into things, flopping around, so guess what? The ear came back apart. Thank god I am a Doctor (technically, I am, but only of law, but does it really matter at this point) and I took matters into my own hands. Well, actually for this surgery it took both my legs and hands. I decided that since he had the collar on, that I could band-aid his ear and hope for the best. Here is the post surgery I hate you pose:

See the spoon in the right corner of the pic - that was my "anesthesia" - milk on a spoon! By the way, it didn't work!

Well, our model is fine, just really ticked off, and I am not sure if he will fully recover with a normal ear, but if not, at least we have a good story out of it.

Tongue-Tied

So, here I am, all excited to start something exciting, new and fresh and guess what - I can't think of a damn thing to say!! Shocking, I know! When I finally think of something to say/someone to make fun of, please follow three simple rules:

1. Do not take anything personally (no names will be used EVER!)
2. You can make as much fun of me as I do you (but how do you know I am talking about you when I have so cleverly thought up a perfect nickname?)
3. You are free to quit reading at any time (but I will miss you if you leave)

FINALLY!

I have been a HUGE fan of blogs, but never felt that I had anything of interest to write about - don't have any kids (just a cat), don't have an exciting social life (well, I attend sporting events, but nothing glamorous), I'm not famous, nor have I embarked upon creating the newest and greatest fad of all time. Today, I thought, "SO WHAT??" I amuse myself, think of things in an odd way and just want to share that with others, or at least have an archive to turn to when I myself need a good laugh.

This is an attempt to make the day a bit brighter, lighter, and to allow your face muscles to exercise, at least once today!!