Friday, February 27, 2009


This is how I have felt all week. Hopefully I don't look this bad, but maybe my roommate would disagree. I have had some sinus issues and I am so annoyed with them I have resorted to a sinus cleanser thing. It is disgusting. It does help though.

AND, my computer issues have really got me down. That is why I haven't posted for a few days. If it my blog was titled Bitchy Red I would have a ton of stuff (roommate is certainly nodding), but nothing has really amused me the past few days. You know how I needed to talk to a human? Well, finally got a human on the phone and he informed me that tech support was going to be $295.00. The program was only $350.00. Isn't that a bit ridiculous? Then the little twirp told me that as an attorney, how could I not afford $295?? What an a$$.

So, I will hopefully get over this hump and add some humor to your day next week.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I need to speak to a human

I understand we are in a recession, but seriously, can't I speak to a human anymore? I know I abuse the customer support people once I finally get them on the phone, but I promise if I can speak to a human and I raise my voice, I will promptly apologize and tell them I know it is not their fault.

I have been trying to get a technical support person on the phone for a few hours. I call, and they want my phone number to bring up my account, then they the computer voice tells me that my product is out of warranty, I need to talk to customer support (not technical support), I then get transferred to customer support and I have the option to leave a voicemail or email customer support.

I think I can trick the computer, so I call back and then I give a wrong phone number. The computer promptly tells me to hang up and go online to retrieve my account number or call customer support. Tried customer support again and I get a VM again. The VM says their office hours are 8 - 5 p.m. eastern time and no, it wasn't lunch time.

I have emailed both customer support and technical support, and left messages on the customer support VM and nothing. AARGH!

P.S. I would even take speaking to a non-fluent English speaking human over a computer at this point.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

I have some old cookbooks of my Grandma's and as I was looking at them tonight I found some hilarious "ideas". As each new section begins, there is a list of Kitchen Ideas: (note, from 1967)

1. Try waxing your ashtrays. Ashes won't cling, odors won't linger and then can be wiped clean with a paper towel or disposable tissue. This saves daily waxing. RED SUGGESTS TO KEEP YOUR STINKY BUTTS OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND SAVE YOUR TIME WAXING.

2. The skins will remain tender if you wrap potatoes in aluminum foil to bake them. They are attractively served in the foil too. RED SAYS THERE IS NOTHING "ATTRACTIVE" ABOUT ALUMNINUM FOIL.

3. Instead of trying to iron rickrack on the right side of the garmet, turn the article. The rickrack can be pressed perfectly. WHAT THE HELL IS RICKRACK? WHO THE HELLS IRONS ANYMORE? ISN'T THAT WHAT DRYCLEANERS ARE FOR?

4. Dip a new broom in hot salt water before using. This will toughen the bristles and make them last longer. IT WILL LAST A LONG TIME IF YOU DO WHAT I DO - DON'T USE IT.

5. You may determine the age of an egg by placing it in the bottom of a bowl of cold water. If it lays on its side, it is stricly fresh. If it stands at an angle it is at least three days old and ten days old if it stands on end. KIDS GET ON YOUR YOUR SAFETY GLASSES AND LAB COATS, WE ARE ABOUT TO TEST OUR EGGS WE GOT FROM THE GROCERY STORE TODAY. WHILE THIS IS A COOL IDEA, I WOULD GUESS PRETTY MUCH ALL EGGS THAT WE BUY WILL STAND ON END.

6. Dip the spoon in hot water to measure lard. The fat will slip out more easily. GROSS. I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW BIG OF A SPOON I WOULD NEED TO MEASURE MY ASS, BUT I AM WILLING TO SHOP FOR ONE IF THE FAT WILL SLIP OUT MORE EASILY.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I am a Marketer's Dream

Yes, internet marketing works like a dream on me. 50% off? Well, I better buy something because it is like money going down the drain if I don't take advantage of this offer. I was slapped in the face with the realization that it is good to take inventory before compusively accepting (another) sale offer. Bath and Body Works has sales constantly, but for President's Day they had their Wallflowers more than half off!! Oh, I must take advantage! Before I went, I asked my roommate to go look in the drawer where I store them and tell me what scent I was low on. Well, obviously none of them!! I have over 18 packages of Wallflowers!!!! This is enough to probably cover me for the next year. So, needless to say, I passed on the sale....although I was tempted to go b/c I had a coupon for body lotion and if I spent $10 I got $30 off, and so on and so on, but I resisted the urge. Trust me, I am doing plenty to continue to stimulate the econonmy.

Monday, February 16, 2009


For My Dear Roommate, may you hopefully never see me breakdown this bad, especially in public!!

Click here for the video

Oh yes, and I just have to add in that I am so glad to be married on Valentines Day. It used to be one of the worst holidays when I was single and then got even worse when we were dating as I just KNEW I was getting a ring on Valentines. Ex: One year he made me a cake and I just knew he baked it into the cake. I ruined dinner b/c he wouldn't let us eat cake before dinner, then I started crying b/c then of course I knew nothing was in there. When I told him I thought a ring was in the cake, he started laughing and said that was crazy to think he is going to make my new ring dirty. Guess he forgot to watch TLC before proposing.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Happy B-day Bubbles

Time to reminisce about my baby sister, or only sister that is. She and I used to be like peanut butter and jelly. Even if we hated each other that day, we had to work together to protect ourselves from the wrath of our brother, or at the very least, to get our chores done so we could go to the pool. I am not sure how this came about, but one day we were riding our bikes and she was singing and laughing and I just started calling her bubbles. She liked this name so much she even put it on the back of her softball shirt.

There were times when her laughter was not so much appreciated, and somehow it always happened that she would have a breakdown at the grocery store. See, my Mom got tired of us complaining what was in the cabinets to eat, so Mom would make her list, and we would get our coupons and away to the store we went. I think the arrangement worked out pretty good, but maybe Mom's checking account would argue. Anyway, I would always be the organizer and Bubbles would drive the cart. Bubbles would begin to laugh at lord knows what and before I knew it she would be holding on to the handle of the shopping cart holding herself up from falling on the floor laughing so hard, making this awful noise. It was so absurd and was not funny after about the 10th time (and god forbid I allow my younger sister to embarrass me in public!). I titled these breakdowns as "shopping cart". The phrase is still used between us time to time. Guess I am just sooo funny she can't handle it. I wish I had a cell phone with video back then, I could really embarrass her now!

Anyway, Happy Birthday Bubbles. I miss the easy days in good 'ol Pratt and certainly cherish the memories.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Animals v. Humans

No, this is not a post about my desire for a dog. It is about the Octopulet mom. I watched the entire interview last night and was sickened. It is so sick how she actually admits it MAY have been selfish to have ANY more children after she already has six, 3 of which have disabilities.

As some of you know, I had to put my beloved dog, Chloe, to sleep this summer. It was truly the hardest decision in my life thus far. The vet was the most comforting and caring that she could have been and told me that she thinks that we treat our animals much better than humans because we allow our animals to die peacefully instead of suffering through a terminal prognosis. I truly agree.

How does this relate to Octopulet Mom? Well, I think that if this was a person that had 50 animals in their 2 bedroom house then someone would call Animal Rescue and they would remove some if not all of them because one person can't take care of all of those animals, unless they live on a ranch or farm of course. So, why is it OK to allow this woman who remind you, has no job or prospect of job, no home (she lives in her Mom's home), no extended family for help, to keep 14 kids? I don't give a crap that she is a single Mom, I would feel the same way if this was a married couple with no resources. My heart truly goes out to these children who almost have no chance of a normal, thriving childhood.

Oh, and since this is supposed to be funny - I do find humor that people are comparing her to Angelina Jolie. It does look like she has had some work done on those lips! However, I am fully aware that facial features do enlarge during pregnancy. My sister's nose spread across half her face. Poor thing. It did go back down though!! HA!

Monday, February 9, 2009

Willie update

I realized it has been several long months since I have annoyed some of you with my four legged baby update. Well, Willie is doing great!! He has been keeping up on all of the news, and is really hoping that the birds aren't affected by the economic recession and are able to travel back to Kansas for the Summer.

He had his annual physical this AM and I am pleased to report that he is down to 14 pounds. This is great news!! Guess he will remain on the very expensive Science Diet W/D and a dash of skim milk each morning. Maybe he will fit in his basket even better next year.

I actually got a little worried this morning because I couldn't find him and then as I was walking out of the bedroom to leave for work, saw he was still tucked into bed!! Yes, here he is under the covers with his head on the pillow. He lays in between my bed partner and I.

Friday, February 6, 2009


See yesterday's post, and review the first very RUDE comment. Well, my roommate convinced me that one of my friends wrote it. He said "It sounds like her". Well, of course I am not going to give her the satisfaction of getting under my skin so I just send back a calm, to the point comment. Well, my roommate asked me today, did you ask your friend about that comment? I said, no, I just commented back. He then says, don't you remember yesterday when I asked you how to spell hiney? So, I am not too quick, big surprise! I have always said my roots are blonde. HA! HA! I HELPED him write his comment!

I am only a lawyer, not a detective.

Update on the herpes: I had a dentist appointment today and he burned it for me and it is feeling oh so much better!! I won't bore my audience with this anymore, please look forward to hiney rashes though....or maybe I am getting an ingrown hair somewhere.....

Thursday, February 5, 2009


Yes, I admit it, I have herpes. I have a canker sore on the soft pallete of my mouth. Here is proof: Look to the right of my uvula (hangy down thing) and you can see the white area. It looks way worse in my mouth than in this pic, trust me.

You would not believe the pain this thing is causing me. It is a consistent throb. One would think it would be a good diet plan since it hurts to eat, but no so much. It actually goes a bit numb during the eating process. To make matters worse, I was prescribed a dental paste. I tried to apply it myself, but the gag reflex was too hard to hold back. So, I let my roommate play doctor and dab this paste on it at night. Sexy. I am thinking I really may not be cut out for child birth at this point, this is really too much to handle.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


So, I thought I had a great gay-dar, but guess not! I have been surprised twice in the last week. The first surprise I won't discuss on the internet, but my second I will. Did anyone else besides me think Hank Azaria is gay? I know I not supposed to think a person is gay just because their character is gay in movies, but seriously, he isn't straight is he? Well, maybe he doesn't know what he is or he is in the closet b/c he and his girlfriend are having a baby!!! Here is the story. I am shocked.

I must now return to paying work.

Bathroom reading

OMG, just got back from the restroom at work. I had to go in the handicap stall b/c the others were occupied and was so appalled at what I saw:

Not really sure if someone forgot their reading material or if the handicap stall frequenters share reading material. I thought only men did this (or had the balls to do this at WORK). To top it off, the lighting is horrible in there for reading.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


Compromise requires each party giving up something to come to an amicable solution, so basically, no one "loses". I used to think that all problems can be solved by compromise, however, it is becoming quite apparent that certain issues are not able to be compromised on. So, where do you go from here? Give up or fight?

Monday, February 2, 2009

Is it Monday already?

Had a great weekend! Hope you all did too! Learned a few interesting things too:

1. My friend Kristi's laugh sounds like an arriba. We were eating at this Mexican joint and this waiter (Mexican) kept doing this high pitched arriba yell thing. One time when he came over to the table it was at the same time Kristi was laughing and he thought she was doing her own arriba call thing. Hilarious.

2. My roommate is growing out a beard to once again prove his manliness. I really don't need to be reminded....

3. We spent $30 trying to get a computerized horse to like me. We were at Dave and Buster's for a bday party and found this Kentucky Derby game. You pick the dam and sire, then they mate and voila, you have your horse. Mine was brown with a white spot on its head, female and named Snyder. She was quite a pain to train, and was very picky on the food she liked, and I guess, when she was sad, I was supposed to scold her b/c I kept choosing to hug and praise her when she was down and she would get more pissed. I don't get it, but obviously the creators of the game do since I kept putting in more money.

4. I am not into the Super Bowl. I used the time to read the paper, cut coupons, did a little work, the dishes, laundry, basically anything except watch. I did catch a few commercials, but was disappointed in what I saw.

5. Thank goodness I only make puppy chow once every few years. If you are not familiar, it is chex cereal coated with melted chocolate and peanut butter then rolled in powdered sugar. Delicious. I wasn't drunk or anything and I ate it at 1 am and then again at 4 am (I must have been dreaming about it) on Saturday night/Sunday morning. LOVE IT!

6. KSU men's basketball DOES have game....I am a believer once again! Go State!