You Can't Make This Stuff Up

I have some old cookbooks of my Grandma's and as I was looking at them tonight I found some hilarious "ideas". As each new section begins, there is a list of Kitchen Ideas: (note, from 1967)

1. Try waxing your ashtrays. Ashes won't cling, odors won't linger and then can be wiped clean with a paper towel or disposable tissue. This saves daily waxing. RED SUGGESTS TO KEEP YOUR STINKY BUTTS OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND SAVE YOUR TIME WAXING.

2. The skins will remain tender if you wrap potatoes in aluminum foil to bake them. They are attractively served in the foil too. RED SAYS THERE IS NOTHING "ATTRACTIVE" ABOUT ALUMNINUM FOIL.

3. Instead of trying to iron rickrack on the right side of the garmet, turn the article. The rickrack can be pressed perfectly. WHAT THE HELL IS RICKRACK? WHO THE HELLS IRONS ANYMORE? ISN'T THAT WHAT DRYCLEANERS ARE FOR?

4. Dip a new broom in hot salt water before using. This will toughen the bristles and make them last longer. IT WILL LAST A LONG TIME IF YOU DO WHAT I DO - DON'T USE IT.

5. You may determine the age of an egg by placing it in the bottom of a bowl of cold water. If it lays on its side, it is stricly fresh. If it stands at an angle it is at least three days old and ten days old if it stands on end. KIDS GET ON YOUR YOUR SAFETY GLASSES AND LAB COATS, WE ARE ABOUT TO TEST OUR EGGS WE GOT FROM THE GROCERY STORE TODAY. WHILE THIS IS A COOL IDEA, I WOULD GUESS PRETTY MUCH ALL EGGS THAT WE BUY WILL STAND ON END.

6. Dip the spoon in hot water to measure lard. The fat will slip out more easily. GROSS. I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW BIG OF A SPOON I WOULD NEED TO MEASURE MY ASS, BUT I AM WILLING TO SHOP FOR ONE IF THE FAT WILL SLIP OUT MORE EASILY.