I lied!!

I could not wait a week to share this, quite frankly, I would have forgot!! This dog just made me laugh. Had to share! Copy the link and paste it into your browser. Need a bit of sound for full effect.

http://vimeo.com/2311707

Off for a few days

This will be my last blog post until next Tuesday - one week off!! From the huge amount of responses I am getting lately (just kidding!) it seems that I may have a bit more time on my hands than my followers. I am still curious what your favorite X-Mas gift was, so if you want to still comment, please feel free to do so.

So here is a bit of a funny Thanksgiving issue. Most people in Kansas don't eat these, but in the south, there is a T-day speciality, canned spiced peaches. They are a small little peach, already peeled, canned in some juice and spices. They are delicious. My siblings and I used to have competitions to see who could stuff the whole thing in their mouth at once. We all pretty much won (we are all 3 big mouths!!), but the sight must have been horrendous. We waited until the end of dinner to put on our show, I am sure my parents at least appreciated that.

Another funny thing happened this week - a full physical exam for someone who shall remain unnamed. We get to the office, and of course he sits down and refuses to participate in checking in, then I sit down and start filling out the questionnaire. All was going well until I read outloud to him wanting an answer: Are your bowel movements regular (giggle), loose, (giggle)? Do you have any sexual difficulties (giggle, giggle), erectile dysfunction (laugh)? how many sexual partners have you had in the past year, lifetime (laughing fully) AND then he takes the form away from me because obviously I am having way too much fun with this form!!!

Well, everyone, enjoy your time away from work, and enjoy your holiday. Give thanks for all that you have and all of the opportunities ahead of you.

What has happened to me???

I have turned into someone that I used to talk about. You know, the person that doesn't even celebrate Thanksgiving because they are too busy prematurely getting ready for Christmas? Well, I am realizing that maybe some of these people found it more convenient to decorate for Christmas prior to Thanksgiving, and if they wait until after T-day it will be two weeks into December, and what is the point of dragging all of that stuff out for 2 - 3 weeks max??? I am personally leaving town for Thanksgiving (don't want to make you jealous, but I will be in VEGAS, baby) and really don't want to deal with vacation laundry and trying to decorate for X-mas. I was in a good mood today not rushing around, just decorating at my leisure. I also had assistance this year with the tree, so it was quite enjoyable.

So, now that I am thinking about Christmas, I have to ask you all something (there are people out there reading, right?). What was your favorite X-mas gift you ever received? There are a few that come to mind, but one of my most favorite gifts was a Fry-Daddy. I know, wierd to want one, but I was a wierd child and still am for that matter. I loved making those biscuit donuts with the 'Daddy. I am sure my Mother did not love the mess, but it sure did make me happy. One other fav gift was a pink and grey ten speed. Unfortunately it was icy and snowy that X-mas, but I was determined to ride it, so I went back and forth on our porch, but really that was only about two pedal pushs and then manuever the turn. FUN!

Tell me what your most favoritest gift was.

Word lesson Allude v. Elude

Not only am I here to entertain, but to teach. I learnt (just kidding!) this on the radio this morning, and just had to share since I was very interested to learn the correct word usage. So, I used to think it was "I was eluding to the fact that .....". Boy was I wrong. Yes, I can admit when I am wrong. So, pupils, get out your learning hats:

Definition of Allude:
mention indirectly: to refer to something or somebody indirectly, without giving a precise name or explicit identification

Allude or elude? Do not confuse the spelling of allude and elude, which sound similar. Allude is usually followed by to, as in alluding to the disappearance of her husband. Elude means "escape from," "avoid," or "be beyond": He eluded his pursuers. Her name eludes me.

Allude or refer? The sentence She alluded to her husband by name is a self-contradiction, because allude means "to mention indirectly." When the reference is direct, the word to use is refer. So if she mentioned "the man at home looking after the children," she was alluding to her husband, whereas if she mentioned "George" or "my husband" directly, she was referring to him: She referred to her husband frequently.

Now go and impress all of your friends!!

Acceptable forms of payment

A few weeks ago, a client received my bill and was shocked that I was expecting payment from her, even though she signed a fee agreement with me listing my hourly rate and billing increments. She stated that she thought I was doing this pro bono (this was NEVER mentioned) and that she was planning to pay me in a spritual way, through prayer. I was thinking that would be fine except for the fact that I don't believe her prayers will pay my rent, car payment, mortgage, etc. I thought she was a loon, and she still is, however, there are more of her out there. Check out this email exchange that was sent to me by my roommate:

Man tries to pay bill with spider
Nov 19, 2008
Below is the complete email conversation that Adelaide man David Thorne claims he had with a utility company chasing payment of an overdue bill.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.




Regards, David.



From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,
You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached




From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane, Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David, Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.




Regards, David.



From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David, As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definately make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached

Updates

Just in case you are curious....Willie is doing fine. His ear did not heal back together, but now he has character! All kids need scars, right? His ear has just a little extra flap, but to me it is not that noticeable, but to my roommate, it is ugly. I tell Willie it looks just fine because I like to work on improving my child's self esteem, since, as you know by the previous redhead post, since I am a redhead mother, my child gets made fun of.

Shopping excursion was very successful. I think I will keep the ugly pants in the closet though, because my roommate went shopping with me and I purchased more than I would have by myself. You know the feeling when you have three shopping bags and you try to stuff it all into one so it looks like you didn't go crazy at the mall...well, didn't have to do it this time!! Oh, I better be careful, I am giving away all my secrets! :)

What Not to Wear

to a basketball game in the late Fall that is!

I know it is mean to make fun of your own team's fans, but I couldn't help myself on this one. Really the picture does not do it justice.

Redheads = Being made fun of

...or according to the Pregnant Man that is. Go to the you tube video and watch at about minute 1:50 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZ-5aQdqXFw&NR=1 Barbara Walters is asking the pregnant man what he is going to do when Susan (their daughter) gets made fun of and he said that is no reason to not have kids, for instance people make fun of lesbian couples, redheads, etc. WHAT?? Lumping hair color into a discussion on sexuality??? I admit, I was greatly made fun of in junior high, but in no way do I think the pregnant man knows what he/she is talking about. Pretty funny comment,when you think about it.

Permission to Shop!!

Yup, that is right, I was given permission to shop. No, I don't really need permission, to shop, but now that I have it I feel oh so much better about purchasing things I really don't need (or do I?). Turns out my roommate (let's discuss the name in another paragraph) hates quite a few of my pants. He said I should get rid of them, but really, I might need to keep them when I feel the urge to shop again. Just get out the ugly pants and wear them for a few days then he will feel compelled to let me go out shopping again! Seriously, quit having a cow, I do not need permission, but it just feels soooooo good to have it!! Now, funny thing is, I probably won't find ANYTHING I want or looks good. I will update you on the progress.

As mentioned earlier, I said I would discuss "his" name. I promised to never use names so I am forced to make them up. I would love to use his real nickname, but he would hate me for that.... I have had one comment that a reader hates me referring to him as the other half. I am now suggesting roommate. If you hate that, then fine, give me a new name for him or quit reading.

When the going gets tough...

DON'T GIVE UP. Ok, so what happened?? Well, most of you know that I am very new to speaking in court, and this has actually been a great fear of mine. I know, shocking that I am scared to speak, but I am really more afraid of messing up than the actual speaking. Anyway, I am no longer a virgin as of today. No, it wasn't my first court appearance, just my first time to actually speak. Well, the actual speaking came quite natural, but the Judge's remarks were horrific. Why? Well, the Judge went completely apeshit on me for filing something that HE believes I shouldn't have (it was an affidavit saying that my client was poverty level and therefore couldn't afford filing fees). This man was ridiculous with his horrible mean comments and I was doing all I could do to hold back tears. I did it though. I was soooo upset in my car on the way back to the office and just couldn't wait to tell my officemates the story. My mentor reminded me: Judges are not always right. So, we researched the law and his interpretation and we still do not agree with him, but it doesn't mean he didn't have the right to make the ruling he did. I was reminded to not be so darn hard on myself, and let it roll off. We are all human here and even if I do make a mistake, which I am sure I will, just learn from it and DO NOT GIVE UP. I am determined to not let fear stop me from pursuing my personal goals and I hope all of you will do the same.

Mickey and Minnie

I was visiting Mickey and Minnie this weekend and came away with some very funny musings:

1. the word "hers". Example: Hers is my best friend. It is also funny to point out the Minnie was referring to the dog as being her best friend.



2. children being obessesed with the word butt or "booty". I believe they may now be required to say hiney, but it all really still means butt. I never thought I would hear someone sing or say "shake your booty" regardless of the time or place of day.

3. Still having to have assistance with the back end after using the restroom. You know, where they yell, "I'm done" and are leaning over waiting for your assistance. Well, unfortunately, the puppy thought Mickey was yelling for her and was assisting him with his back end cleaning before I got there. This is why you don't kiss dogs people.


4. While we are on the subject of dogs, Mickey also ate part of a dog bone. No, he wasn't confused, he just said he was hungry and this was the easiest thing for his P-Duck to give him. So, of course, he began to eat it. This is why you don't let children kiss you either. Just kidding!

5. Thinking the song "Who let the dogs out" is a popular song. I have no clue where they heard this tune, but it is quite catchy for 3 year olds and they love the fact they get to yell "who" 3 times.

6. Playing "Hair". This is where they fluff your hair with their fat fingers and pull it all at the same time, put in several non matching hair accessories and tell you how pretty you look. How much better can it get?

Fair

Should we even use this word anymore? I am going to do my best to take it out of my vocabulary because it should never be used - nothing is "fair" or maybe it is just that I am misapplying the word to daily life.

Here is Webster's definition:

1: pleasing to the eye or mind especially because of fresh, charming, or flawless quality2: superficially pleasing : specious 3 a: clean , pure b: clear , legible4: not stormy or foul : fine 5: ample 6 a: marked by impartiality and honesty : free from self-interest, prejudice, or favoritism b (1): conforming with the established rules : allowed (2): consonant with merit or importance : due c: open to legitimate pursuit, attack, or ridicule 7 a: promising , likely b: favorable to a ship's course 8archaic : free of obstacles9: not dark 10 a: sufficient but not ample : adequate b: moderately numerous, large, or significant 11: being such to the utmost : utter
Many things have happened this week that just don't seem to be fair (or what I thought the definition of fair is). For example, KSU getting embarrased by KU, my Dad's best friend passing away, the stock market continuing to suck, Ron Prince getting fired, my clients not wanting to pay me, it raining the day after you wash your car, the list goes on and on. You know, all of it doesn't seem fair, but what the hell am I really saying? Fair is not the correct word, when applying it to my examples listed. Fair does not mean equal or right or just. I am thinking that if I get the notion of fair out of my mind, all things will become easier to handle, understand or just accept. It is what it is.

Voting Hangover

So I voted, and yes, it was for the first time ever. I am sooooo not into politics, but found that it was important to exercise my right to vote, so I did, and boy it was not as much fun as I thought it would be. There was absolutely no line to stand in, plenty of places to park and no sort of riot outside of the church where I voted. Extremely boring. AND the person I supported (say whatever you want, I don't take any of it personal) lost, therefore I feel like I lost some sort of contest. Does anyone else feel this way?

Something amusing did happen at the polls yesterday - My other half was also voting for the first time. We had registered and were set up to vote at the same place. I go to sign my name first (I also couldn't believe they didn't ask for my photo ID, but I digress) and other half said he saw his name - but I said "No, that is Diane". Well, sure enough, damn Diane signed on his line. The voter people made him sit off to the side so they could figure out what the hell to do. Did anyone see the Kevin Costner movie Swing Vote? I did and it was an absolutely horrible movie, but I was sort of getting excited that maybe I have married a soon to be celebrity. My other half was getting ticked off that Diane possibly ruined his chance of voting. The proctor guy decided that he needed to sign right by Diane's incorrect signature and that he could go ahead and vote. Who knows if it was counted, but it is certainly a moot point this morning.

One Last Halloween Post

As I was cruising down the Halloween clearance aisle at Wal-Mart, I could not resist getting a steal on Willie's costume for next year. It was actually a dog costume, but he is the size of a smallish dog, so I thought what the heck. I bought the extra small as it was supposed to fit a wiener dog. The costume is a glow in the dark skeleton costume - perfect!

Well, not so much. Why you might ask, other than the fact that cats generally don't like dressing up? First, it didn't fit! The velcro on the underside would not even begin to go together. Second, the back legs had a piece of elastic that went around the leg, and for some reason, Willie did not think he could stand up with them on. I would stand him upright and right on his back he would go. Third, and most importantly, he HATED it. Wish I would have got a video, but here are some pics:

Got the front feet in and now getting the back legs in

Back legs are now in and he cannot stand! He is as graceful as his mother.

Could he look any more pissed?

Only one piece of candy

Halloween at my house is quite busy. I live in a cul-de-sac within a neighborhood that has an elementary school, so you can imagine how many kids parade through the neighborhood begging for candy. The first two years in the neighborhood we ran out of candy so this year I planned big - I went to Sam's to purchase my candy. Purchased over 400 pieces in fact, and yes, I bought the good stuff - the mini candy bars!! When I was young, I would "inventory" my candy - literally count the number of candy bars and how many I had of each. I would then hide it from my brother and sister in extremely good hiding places. Sounds like a good plan, but I did not keep track of where I "hid" my candy - therefore when we had to dust the china cabinet or clean out our closets, I would find old disgusting candy.

I have grown out of the phase of candy inventory, but some people I live with still feel some connection to the candy at our house. As children's paws would be digging for their piece of candy, one would say "Only one piece!!" I also had to hold back a certain amount of "inventory" so we had candy left over at our house after Halloween. Don't worry, I haven't hid it, I know where it is, unfortunately!

Here are some pics of neighborhood animals/kids -

Willie and his pumpkin!